by Kriss Drumm

love to tell people to love their Big S selves up, or to listen to their Big S Self for a change. Sometimes they respond, “Are you saying I have a big ass?” That makes me chuckle. I then explain that their Big S Self is internal, not external.

I began using the term and the concept in my work with people who have low self esteem, often because they were emotionally and/or physically abused either as children, as adults, or both. It has been astonishing how many magnificent people I meet who have no idea of their magnificence!


I started talking about the Big S Self to assist clients in recognizing their core essence which is untouched by the lies and slanderous messages they learned from their abusers, and sometimes from society. In his book The Four Agreements, Don Miguel Ruiz talks about the lies most of us must unlearn, falsehoods fed to us on a personal and societal level about how limited or unworthy or small we are. The Big S Self knows the truth of our unlimited and divine nature.

The Big S Self is beyond injury, and remains whole and undamaged, because it is the part of us that is connected to the universal life force that is eternal, unconditionally loving, blissful, and at peace. Connecting with the Big S Self is essential for everyone’s well being.

Jung capitalized the S in Self when speaking of the archetype of meaning which is the “spiritual center of the psyche”. The Big S Self is connected to our higher power, however we conceive of that higher power. When we are in nature and filled with a sense of awe and beauty, it is our Big S Self that is engaged. When we are singing a joyful tune or appreciating a child’s laughter, our higher self, or our Big S Self, is activated. In fact, anytime we are coming from a place of Love, our Big S Self is activated.

The Big S Self is the Self that witnesses; it is the compassionate observer in you, that part of you that sees how you are, what you are feeling. When you say “I am feeling out of sorts today,” or “I am telling myself to stop eating candy,” or “I am just being hard on myself,” notice there is an “I Am” which is acting through you.

The Big S Self is the part of you that never changes. It is the part of you that is the same you as when you were 9 and 12 and 30…. S/he was there when you were born, and is still there underneath the layers of experiences you have lived through. Your Big S Self is the Self that knows better, is the voice of intuition, and the unconditionally loving core essence of your being that has infinite compassion for you. Your Big S Self is the loving Self that knows how good “I am” and sees that essential goodness in others. 

The Big S Self knows you are just as deserving, just as important, just as miraculous as anyone else that is alive. No more, no less. Your Big S Self is the Self that sees the big picture and is joyful and loving and at peace, just waiting for you to be still and open enough to recognize it. Noticing and appreciating this divine essence of you can help bring you a greater sense of peace, and to a state of joy. Knowing you have a core Self that is untouched by the concerns of the ego and the practical reality we live in can make you braver in the world.

How to cultivate a relationship with Your Big S Self? Sit still. Focus on your heart region, and allow your heart to open yourself to the awareness of this eternal higher self. Go into what Deepak Chopra calls the “gap between thoughts” to experience the Big S Self. Practice meditation as a way of feeling your Big S Self presence. Express gratitude to this part of you that “has your back” at all times. Practice witnessing your behaviors and reactions through the eyes of your compassionate witness self. Notice your little self (also known as your ego self) react to situations, and then notice the Noticer.

Developing a love affair with your Big S Self is the fastest way to experiencing joy. I encourage you to create a fantasy voice for your Big S Self that loves loves loves you and stops negative voices in their tracks. Make the voice as sweet and loving as possible and imagine it encouraging and applauding you, unconditionally loving and guiding you.

By giving ourselves the time to sit still, relax our bodies, breathe, and connect with our Big S Self, we connect to the highest part of us. Synchronicities happen, and we know we are loved and safe in the world.

Kris Drumm, LCSW, ACHT is a psychotherapist certified as an Advanced Clinical Hypnotherapist in Heart Centered Hypnotherapy, and practices at A Healing Space in Wilton Manors. A strong believer in the power of positive thinking, Drumm created a deck of affirmation cards called “Reminders of Good and Plenty from My Big S Self”. To learn about services and fees at A Healing Space, or to order a deck of affirmation cards, visit or call 954-549-0263. See ad page 62.